no way to put this lightly, suicide.

Not many of my friends know about this but three years ago my cousin, Andy, killed himself from depression. He was 31 years old, had a beautiful wife, and an adorable 4 year old son who was exactly like him. I found out that he was gone just two days before my junior prom. I very much considered skipping prom so that I could attend his funeral even my date said he would understand, but my parents insisted that I go to prom because that was a very important milestone in my life. After fighting with them for about an hour on the subject we decided that me and my dad would attend his visitation and come home so that I could go to prom. After school the next day I rushed home changed into my proper funeral attire and we headed to West Tennessee. The whole way my dad and I listened to the Beatles and discussed the hidden meanings in their songs. It didn't hit me that I was about to see my cousin for the last time until we pulled up to the funeral home and had a heck of a time finding a parking spot. The funeral home was smack in the middle of a small town it was an old, gorgeous house. Probably about 100 years old. The front door had a line of people snaking out onto the sidewalk, since we were family we took a seperate door on the front porch. My aunt before I could hardly get into the door said, "It's an open casket you don't have to go see him if you don't want to." My heart jumped, (I hadn't been told how he died) I told her I would be fine and my dad grabbed my shoulder and led me into the packed room. I saw my uncle standing by the casket and my family members sitting on a two pews stuck in the corner. I slowly walked up to the casket took one look inside and couldn't control myself. I burst into tears my dad twirled me around away from it and took me over to the pew with my family one of my cousins immediately grabbed me and held me as we both sobbed. My sister came and squeezed in beside me she grabbed my hand as I started to calm down from where we were sitting we could see everyone piling into the small room and paying their respects. I started looking for Andy's wife I saw her sitting in the second row face red surrounded by her mom, dad, and sister. My cousin Jenny saw me looking in her direction and told me she hadn't spoken to anyone in our family since she had arrived. She hugged Andy's dad but that was it. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't talk to us. He was our cousin her husband we were related the least she could was come say something to us. One of my other aunts came out to us and asked if any of us were hungry the funeral home had provided sandwich making stuff for the family. So all of us cousins that were there piled into a small break room and quietly ate our sandwiches. After "dinner" me and my sister headed out to the front porch to get some fresh air, I had remembered seeing two white rocking chairs which would give us somewhere to sit. By now the sun was starting to set and the line had grown a considerable amount, I couldn't see the end of it because it wrapped around the corner of the street. It made me realize how much Andy was loved and how many people he impacted. My sister all of a sudden started laughing snapping me out of my daze. There on the street was a race going on, it was a local 5K and we saw the people at the front coming down the road. We sat there for 2 hours watching the people in the race come through. There was even a young man in a wheel chair being pushed by what looked like his wife. That made me smile. By time the last few people came through from the race, the line going into the funeral home had died down a considerable amount. My dad came out and told me I needed to come in and say goodbye to everyone and tell my uncle that I wouldn't be able to make it to the funeral. I walked in and my uncle my was still standing in the same spot next to the casket. I walked up to him and he just grabbed me in a hug. Unfortunately now I was stuck in my uncles grip staring straight at my cousin. So I closed my eyes as he held me. My dad soon realized why I looked so uncomfortable and told me that we needed to go. My uncle let me go said, "Love you Kelsey." I smiled and said back, "I love you too Uncle Bobby", forcing back tears. I made my round of telling my cousins, aunts and uncles goodbye and left with my dad. As we were walking out to the car I saw Andy's wife sitting on the sidewalk by herself. I walked up to her, sat down next, and said "Everything is going to be okay Ashley, he isn't hurting anymore." She looked up at me and hugged me. I got up and walked to my dad's car. Immediately getting into the car a wave of exhaustion passed over me and before we could get out of the tiny little town, I was fast asleep.

To end this blog I want to say this. Andy was an amazing man. He was a loving husband and father, and an incredible cousin and son. If you ever know of someone who is depressed and might even for a second consider suicide HELP THEM. They aren't usually thinking rationally and just a little bit of help and effort could in the end save their life. Andy didn't tell anyone he was hurting maybe if he had he would still be with us. Usually people who are that desperate to do something like that are feeling very alone and unwanted and the smallest "hey are you okay?" "do you want to talk about it?" could help a considerable amount. Suicide is a very selfish act, the person is only doing it for their benefit they may think they are helping out everyone in their life but really they are just setting them up for heartache. So please if you or someone you know is feeling depressed get help don't put your loved ones in that position.
Thanks for reading.

Peace, Love, & Rubies

Kelsey

Fun Times and AOII

So the other day while at work in a very boring meeting (we were basically just in there to fill space so we didn't actually have to pay attention so I didn't) and I was thinking my sorority at school (AOII for those of you who don't know even if you don't care :) ) we have some cheers but not really fun ones. So I started messing around and made up this cheer it's kinda stupid but my mind works in mysterious ways...

Red, white, and black
We're back on the attack
We are Alpha Omicron
and we'll tell you to bring it on!
Rubies, pearls, and pandas
we know that you can't handle us
Alpha Omicron Pi, we will blow your mind!

haha extremely cheesy and corny but what else am I suppose to do during a 2 hour meeting?

Peace, Love, & Rubies

Kelsey

Casey Anthony, Adoption vs Abortion, etc.

For those who have not heard about the Casey Anthony trial and don't mind a little bit of reading I will be posting a link at the bottom giving a nice detailed account on what the whole story is about.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/10/17/48hours/main5393142.shtml

(WARNING: the story is pretty graphic and it's five pages long so have fun!)

Anyways lately I've been hearing the name Casey Anthony all over the news but my being a 19 year old college student I didn't put much interest towards it. Well this morning while driving to work (more like sitting in traffic going to work) a local Nashville radio station had a man from HLN who has been covering the story come on and talk about the case. I recognized the name so I wanted to hear what all of the hype was about. I heard the first part of the story then my sister called me mid story so I had to listen to her instead of the rest of the story. When I got to work first thing I did was googled the story and found the link above. OMG! How in the world could a mother do that to her child (yes I realize they aren't certain she did it but from what I read she probably did but is such a liar she will continue lying until they can prove her guilty which she will probably continue lying after that!) sorry for the rambling...ANYWHO. I cannot even process what would go through someones mind to not report their child missing until a month later when her mother tells her to do it! After my dog missing for like an hour I was freaking out and this is her two year old daughter!!!! Only a very very very sick person could just look past it and be like eh oh well so my daughter is gone probably dead I'm going to go out and party and get tattoos and write in my journal how much better my life is. OH MY GOODNESS!! Some people in this world are so messed up in the heads I cannot even fathom how they make it day to day. Any mother who was worth being a mother would have reported her child missing IMMEDIATELY. If she didn't want her daughter in the first place there is this little thing called adoption. That's another thing, there are millions of people out there that cannot have children so they turn to adoption so that they can have families and these kids, yes kids are having kids left and right and not giving a second thought about how much better their children will be brought up if they took that option instead. There is no reason for your child to suffer because their mother was stupid and got pregnant at sixteen and there is no reason for someone to abort their child. Think about it this way, that child that was aborted could have been the person that found the cure for cancer how do you feel now?? I personally have not had a child nor do I intend to for at least 6+ more years I've heard how hard it can be for a mother to give birth to their child then have it taken away and given to another couple or family but really think about what you are doing for that family and that child. You are giving the family a chance to be a family and you are giving your child the opportunity to be a great person someday. Don't take that away from them for your own selfish benefit. Now realize this is all my opinion and I'm not trying to start any arguments I just wanted to get my opinion out there. To wrap this up, I'm not saying Casey Anthony did or did not kill her daughter. I'm just saying by the way it is looking she isn't probably telling the whole truth, but one day Caylee (her daughter)'s justice I hope will be served and I as well as millions of others hope that day will be soon for the sake of Caylee and her family.

Until another day...

Peace, Love, & Rubies

2 down, 2 to go

So upon finishing finals I came to the realization that I am halfway thru my college career and what have I really done. Sure I have made some amazing friends who will end up being in my wedding party, I've kissed some boys, attended some parties, danced, had fun and spent many nights out with my girls instead of studying for the big test I always seemed to have the next day. BUT WHAT HAVE I REALLY DONE! I have created the cliche life of a college kid that everyone pictures. So the last two years need to be spectacular no not spectacular I don't even have a word for it that is how amazing these last two years must be. Yes I need to keep up my grades also so I can graduate without my parents throwing me up on stage in a coffin so multitasking is a must. While in Florida this week I have been reading a series about a girl who gives up her fabulous Upper East Side life to move to LA to live with her not so fabulous but still very wealthy father. On the plane she meets a perfectly perfect Princeton charming who she falls for very quickly. Only later she finds out that his ex-girlfriend and her two troll (but ironically very pretty and glamorous) best friends are all still in love with him so she has been thrown into the mix. The series follows her life in LA trying to avoid these girls, the boy who breaks her heart but still manages to put all the pieces back together, and all the other randoms in the book. Anyways back to my thought...Anna (the main character) finds that in order to fit into this new world she has to be well to put it lightly, bitchy. But her quick thinking and smarts always gets her further than the other girls. She doesn't let anyone take advantage of her and is always one step ahead. She is a very cunning and witty character that as corny as this sounds I need to act like. I need to stop letting people stomp all over me and stick up for myself. This past year I stepped up a considerable amount from what I was my freshman year, but I believe I can take it one step further. I'm not sure what that is yet but I know once I feel it I will know exactly how to handle it. So that is my schpeil (sp?) for the day. Thanks as always for listening to my rambling it's kinda what I do.

Peace, Love, & Rubies